“Nobody needs art”
“Singers, artists… Creatives don’t make money!”
Can you still hear those childhood voices in your head sometimes?
My father could be moved to tears by the majesty of a Gothic cathedral, but when it came to my ambitions, he thought that being a creative was utterly useless.
“Nobody needs art!” he insisted.
I fought back, but the seeds of self-doubt had been planted. Will I ever be a professional opera singer? Am I talented enough? These questions led me down a vicious spiral of insecurity and, after 15 years of struggling, I gave up on my singing career.
But I’ve since found better ways to a creative life! If you’d like to know how I stopped clobbering myself on the head and learned to overcome my creative blocks instead… Read on!
(P.S. At the end you can also find out how to join in the fun, if you fancy it !!!)
How did I hold onto my sanity?
First, I had to get a muggle job, BUT during the holidays I created a safe space for creative adventures and healing. I tried my hand at sketching. My ritual was to kick off the summer with a visit to my favourite art supply shop in London. The aisles were lined with Chinese paintbrushes, inks and watercolours with exotic names such as Scarlet Lake or Hooker’s Green… Every year, I’d pick a sketchbook and a new medium to explore.
No pressure, just pure exploration and fun!
Then, as I sketched at the British Museum and across the lush English countryside, I started to question my narratives around creativity and I realised just how damaging they’d been. Art didn’t need to be my way of earning a living, I decided, but rather it was my way of living.
Sketching is how I open my eyes to wonder,
singing is how I tell my son I love him,
and making picturebooks is how I reach for where the impossibile is possible (to quote the fabulous Mary Poppins)!
By playfully thinking of myself as an “accomplished lady” from a Jane Austen novel and shielding my creative process from the pressures of the professional world, I started to have fun! Thanks to my partner’s encouragement, I also found my confidence growing and my drawings improving.
Clearing creative blocks
Eventually, after 5 years, I felt the desire to step out into the world again, and meet other artists and writers. Drawing had led me to making picturebooks, and I even dared to imagine my work being published one day.
In order to do this, though, I needed to deal with my blocks and fears. Setting them aside had given me the chance to reconnect with my inner creative, but they still reared their ugly heads when I stepped out of my cocoon.
What practice did I find?
I’ve combined journaling, therapy, tapping, meditation… Experiment to see what works best for you. The key is to cultivate a practice of caring and compassionate communication with yourself. If you’re berrating and shaming yourself, it’ll be so uncomfortable, you’ll probably just shove the whole thing under the carpet, and that’s exactly what procratinating is! In order to be aware of what’s going on inside of you, heal and move forward with your creativity, you need to be on your side.
So how do I do it?
As I find myself procrastinating, I write down my thoughts and I always find there’s a reason behind my behaviour: usually, I’m afraid of disappointing people that I care about. What if my book, drawing, blogpost, concert… isn’t as good as they hoped and expected?
Have you tried journaling like this? What thoughts and fears bubble up for you?
Once my fears are on the page, I realise that the thing I’m avoiding – doing my art – is not so terrible or difficult in itself. It was the unspoken, unconscious fear that had me paralysed – curled into a ball like a hedgehog!
You see, my inner creative is jumpy – it’s like a wild animal caught in a world that feels alien and threatening – so I answer my concerns with the most loving and supportive voice: “I love you… Look at all the progress you’re making here… I’m proud of you for…” I write. And then, when the knot in my stomach has softened, I very calmly add: “Ok, let’s do this together. I’m here with you. Let’s take the first, smallest baby step…”
and before I know it I’m doing the thing I’ve been putting off!
Community and Mutual Support
Healing is essential, but we cannot wait to be perfectly healed to start creating or… ehhh … we’ll never do it!
We need a plan for right now. We need to get into a rhythm with this project – the one you’re yearning to create – because once you’re in flow, what other people think, your childhood fears … all of that will no longer have a grip on you. The excitement of writing, drawing, experimenting, coming up with ideas: all of this will prevail!
But getting into flow can be tough, particularly when writing first drafts or venturing into new projects. I still struggle. It’s messy, up and down, and not instagram pretty!
However, I don’t give up anymore thanks to my my creative family and friends.
We’ve been helping each other in countless ways for years: we check in on each other, brainstorm ideas, pass on tips and advice, exchange feedback on our picturebook ideas…
Only this spring, when I was test running my Picturebook Making Retreats, my friends from the MA in Children’s Literature at Roehampton University dropped everything and flew to Rome to help me out (and have a lovely time too!).
Cultivating a Creative Community
Inky Larks: Picturebook Making Retreats
So if you’re lit up by the idea of a small group of picturebook writers and illustrators sketching around Rome together, working out story ideas, eating gelato and whipping up a creative storm, I hope you’ll join us!
Plus you’ll have myself, guest tutors and a supportive flock of creatives to help you get from inspiration to creation, from developing your story idea to writing and illustrating your finished draft!
Click here to explore our beautiful roof-top studio and find out dates and details of the Picturebook Making Retreats that are coming up.
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